This Is A Call/The Last Night

"She fooled all of her friends into thinking she's so strong,
but she still sleeps with her light on,
and she acts like
It's all right on, as she smiles again and her mother lies there sick with cancer,
and her friends don't understand her,
she's a question without answers,
who feels like falling apart.
She knows, she's so much more than worthless,
but she needs to find her purpose,
she wonders what she did to deserve this"
~"This Is A Call" - Thousand Foot Krutch

I went to see the band Skillet in concert a couple of weeks ago. They sang the song "The Last Night" and for some reason I got flashbacks of a night 6 years ago when I sang my heart out to a similar song. My high school friends and I used to listen to Skillet and Thousand Foot Krutch interchangeably. We still do, but not as frequently. "The Last Night" tells the story of a girl who comes to her Savior in need of salvation. She's hurting so much that she needs it to end. Both songs produce the same emotions in me.

I am one of those people who associates songs with emotions and memories. "This Is A Call" spoke to me during a time in my life when I went through hell. My mom didn't physically have cancer, but she mentally had cancer. She was addicted to drugs and I spent most of my nights at home alone and crying myself to sleep.

"You come to me with scars on your wrist
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
I just came to say goodbye
I didn't want you to see me cry, I'm fine
But I know it's a lie"
~ "The Last Night" - Skillet

I didn't physically have scars on my wrists, but I had scars on my heart. There were so many nights I remember lying awake praying to God to make it end. I wanted to be without pain. I wanted to be where I was loved.

About six years ago I found myself driving to a Christian club in Minneapolis to see Thousand Foot Krutch and Hawk Nelson in concert. I was in high school; it must have been either my senior or junior year. I was with my three best friends: Aimee (my life in a nutshell), Nate (my chemistry buddy), and Joe (the nerd on crutches...because he jumped out of a tree).

So here the three of us were, in this packed night club, with Joe on crutches, trying to find a good view of the band. We all were super excited for the concert. We sang along at the top of our lungs to every song. We got the CD and a t-shirt. And then they played my song. It was one of the most perfect moments of my junior/senior year. God touched my soul in that moment and told me that I was loved beyond measure. I raised my hands into the air and all of my friends laid their hands on me. I called and He answered.

Aimee, Nate, and Joe are three of my best friends still to this day. It's been what? Six, seven years? I think we have lasted so long because we have all needed each other, and each of us has provided for the other in their time of need.

What I would love to be taken away from this story is the power of community. My friends have changed my life and I would not be the person I am today without them. I pray that everyone is able to find friends that care deeply for their personalities, their hurts, their struggles, and their souls. I trust that God will provide.