I read a friend's blog the other day that inspired the following. After discussing the concept with my close friend, I realized that SO many people, especially someone really close to me, fall under the category that I'm going to describe. I even do at times. I won't name the person I'm ranting about nor will I apologize for my bluntness or my anger. The following is an excerpt from my journal entry.
"...[Her] relationship with God has been a facade. Has she really ever had a "relationship" with God? One that's two-sided? Or has it always been selfish? Her reading into situations or experiences for her own benefit? Seeing God's hand in something he had nothing to do with? Making a religion or "perceived relationship" out of her own selfish desires? It really has nothing to do with God, only that she can get something she wants out of it. And when she doesn't, she gives up and ignores him, like so many others. Really. How many people in our world today seek religion to get something out of it? Too many. That's why there are so many different religions. Our culture is becoming more and more narcissistic, egotistical, and humanistic, to the point where a religion where we're required to be selfless and possibly give something of ourselves is becoming irrelevant. It makes me want to cry. And that's how our religion is different than others.
...However, our religion requires everything of us. Our God sent his son to die for us, out of selfless love. He saved us from our depravity because he loves us. And he requires selfless love in return. How many other religions can say that? Realizing this makes me wish I really did know more about that other world religions. (My own knowledge is limited). Last weekend I watched Eat Pray Love, and it had the same effect on me. The main character feels this void, this hole, like she knows she's missing something and she tries different things to try and fill it. She's not happy with her husband, so she divorces him. She meets another man who she immediately rebounds to which doesn't work out. So she travels to Italy and eats and makes friends and learns Italian, but feels so alone. She travels to India where she seeks spirituality, meets friends, forgives her ex-husband and herself, but still hasn't found what she's looking for. She finally ends up in Bali where she befriends a medicine man and meditates often in a desperate attempt to feel "balance" in her life. Whatever that is... She finally meets a man who sweeps her off her feet and shares so many things in common with her, she knows it's meant to be. After a conflict, some indecision, and an epiphany, she realizes he is the one she's been searching for. The movie was well written and interesting but made me so very sad. How many people in this world are searching for something to fill them and seeking all the wrong things? How many are selfishly saying, "I NEED something to fill the hole, numb the pain, fill in the blank...", and are seeking selfishly? They want a quick fix, but don't want to change. Because, really there's nothing wrong with them, there's something wrong with the world! I shouldn't have to change when there's nothing wrong with me, I'm just lonely and someone or something NEEDS to fill my hole for me. I'm disgusted. And yet I do it too.
"It's all about me!" We cry out and yet there are children with AIDS in Africa whose families have been killed in mass genocides. Our neighbors were abused as children and now get drunk and high every night because they can't move past the pain. Our siblings compare themselves to the physical beauties of this world because they've been addicted to porn and have seen that that's the only way to get love, through physical appearance. Our world...is such a sad, scary, lonely place. And yet, there's a religion, a MAN who gives us hope. Hope that we can be saved from our loneliness, hope that we can feel loved and important, and hope that this sad, scary, lonely place isn't all there is. He simply asks us to love him in return. To truly love him. And really, how hard is that? When we put so much effort into making ourselves look beautiful or strong according to the world's standards. We put on masks everyday to hide our pain because we're afraid we won't be accepted exactly as we are.We pour ourselves into sports, school, work, busyness, so we don't have to think about our pain and discontent. How hard is it to simply love Another? An excuse may be that one doesn't know hot to love...or trust enough to love, rather. If you can love your addiction to video games, food, sports, pornography, twitter, lust, fantasizing, sex, drugs, or alcohol, then why can't you put that much devotion and effort into loving God who will actually fill your void for you and love you in return? My point is that Christianity, no faith in God, a relationship with him, requires us to be selfless. We must give something of ourselves in order to fill the hole. You can't, no matter how hard you try, fix it yourself. You must seek God to fill it. He's not going to impose himself on you. You must seek Him. And keep seeking Him. Don't expect Him to automatically fill your void for you without work. It takes work. Every religion, every thing we do, takes work. If you can creatively formulate a lie to make yourself look good in a job interview, then you can put effort into a relationship with God. He wants you. He wants your whole life. He loves you. He's loved you since the beginning. He saved your from this life of pain and loneliness. And yet you reject his help. How's that working out for you? Is your life getting easier? Are you succeeding in fixing it on your own? Is your selfishness making you less lonely or getting you what you want? Hmm...didn't think so. There's Someone waiting for you. Patiently waiting."
If it's not obvious, I've keenly become aware of my own selfishness and desire for God to fulfill my needs without ever giving him anything in return. He needs to give me it because I want it and deserve it, that's why. How disgustingly selfish. So if it seems that I'm judging the person I am referring to above, I am...but I am also judging myself. We all fall under this category at some time or another. Selfless faith seems to be against our human nature. I pray that everyone who reads this can learn from it and grow a more healthy faith life.
